Pillows and where have they been?

I am sorry that I haven't blogged in a few days. I have been a bit busy personally and with work. I haven't forgot my fans. I am not really sure what I am going to blog about today as I really haven't had a good thought come to mind but I am being pressured to do something. You can always suggest new ideas.

Let's talk about our bed pillows. Have you ever thought about how long you should keep bed pillows? Do you have a favorite pillow that you have had for like 15 years. Let's really think about this.... you have had a pillow for 15 or more years. I realize that it is broke in and it is really comfy but do you know what has seeped into that thing??? 15 years of drool, snot, bad breath and who knows what else. This pillow now weighs about 5 pounds more than when you got it. Can you throw it in the washing machine and wash it? Will it fall apart? Will it still be the same as it was? These are risks that you take with washing this old disgusting pillow. I myself have had a pillow like this. I finally had to throw it out a few years ago as there really just wasn't much left of it. So now I have new pillows that I have had for a few years. I did recently buy some new ones but don't find myself using them as my old ones are more comfortable. I also have to have a king size pillow to prop my leg up on or I can't sleep. This new king size pillow I have, well let's just say when I prop my leg up on it, it is higher than the rest of my body and I get severe cramping in my hip from it being so high. I am not sure that I will be able to break this one in. I have put it on the bed and rolled around on it and jumped on it so that I can get it broken in but it isn't working. My gosh, what is a person suppose to do! So in the corner it sits for now. I don't know what to do. I am getting stressed out about it! This has been a discussion at work and we all have questions about this pillow thing. If you have any suggestions on this, please let us know how long to keep our pillows without being totally disgusting and grossed out. And hey, think about this. When you go visit someone and they give you a pillow to use, do you know how old it is or where it has been? GROSS!!! I don't want to be inhaling someone else's spit and slobber! I am taking my own pillows every where from now on!!!

Then I want you to think about the ones people put between their legs, do they have underwear on when they do this! I think most do not so don't loan me this pillow when I come to visit please.

Oh, don't worry, I will have my own pillows.

My Life NOT as a Cover Girl.......

No, I am not a Covergirl or quite frankly, no where near being a covergirl. What is a Cover Girl? A girl under a blanket all the time? A girl with a bag on her head? A girl on the cover of a magazine or cereal box? Life as we know it, it is a girl who wears Cover Girl makeup and runs around all pretty like in the wind or rain or snow or tornados, looking stunning in her makeup telling us how great we too can look in the weather conditions if we wear it. I just want to let the world know that no matter what makeup I wear or how much it costs, I do not look stunning and beautiful when the wind is blowing the rain down in my face and on my hair as I am walking to my car. My hair wilts and starts to turn curly, my makeup runs down my face and I am not happy. I am a pissed off cover girl and I look mad. No one wants to see this, it is reality. No one really wants to see anyone in a real situation as they would really look. Why not? I think it would be great to see what other people look like after walking to their car through a flooded parking lot, wind blowing their hair at 60 mph with rain dripping off of them faster than a running faucet. Maybe someone out there does look stunning with their Cover Girl make up on in this situation but I certainly do not. Most people would ask me, what happened to you or the most famous line, you look tired. No matter what you look like, people will just say, you look tired. I am not f'in tired, I have been beaten down by rain and wind and I am wet.

As for the girls on the Cover Girl commercials - sorry, this is just not real. Put them to the real test, send them to a hurricane area and let them all loose, pick them up in a hour and see what they look like then! This is what I want to see.

No one picks me up in a limo and takes me to a salon where someone does my hair and makeup and dresses me and then says smile, your a beautiful breezy covergirl! I think in real life, she is probably ugly, farting in the breeze and under the covers!

My life, NOT as a Cover Girl.....

Do you pee a little?

Ever sitting around with friends, telling good stories, jokes or making fun of others and start laughing so hard to you pee a little? I find that this happens to the best of us but when does it become a real problem? When you pee a lot instead of a little or when you do it every day, once a week, twice a month? Or maybe it is a problem when you find yourself thinking about it and what you should do if you are going to be around a lot of people and will find yourself laughing. What can you do to prepare? You could just wear a super absorbent maxi pad - that would catch anything that may leak out. Pack your underwear with paper towels? How about putting a wash rag down there - that would work wouldn't it? That might be a bit bulky so if you are going to wear something tight, this would probably not be a good option for you. If you think it is a real problem, it may be time to consider depends undergarments.

My friends and I are actually in process of designing a new type of underwear that have some sort of built in protection. We are tired of all these pieces that can fall out of place or just fall out completely. One piece is the answer! We could make it disposable so that once you wear it and pee in it you would throw it out and put on a new one, or we could go with the "green" style and make it reusable. I would suggest washing it in very hot water though. Never know what kinds of germs you may spread. I don't know who you hang out with so I am all about protection.

Peeing a little is not a light subject I know. Some people have a real issue and this is not meant to dismiss the seriousness of the disease. This is more for those of us who just pee a little bit.

Anal Bleaching

Yes really! This is a real service that is provided in this country. I mean really, what is this? For those of you, who may not know what anal bleaching is, let me tell you.

It seems that when you are born, your a-hole area is clean and new. As time goes on this area becomes stained with the poo that passes through you. This area then becomes discolored. Honestly, I haven't set up any mirrors and positioned myself to be able to check out this area of my body. I assume if I am not in pain or bleeding from this area, things are fine. Some people on the other hand want it to look clean, fresh and brand new! These people go online or to their yellowpages to find a provider of anal bleaching where they can go in, take their pants and underwear (if wearing any) off and get on their hands and knees so that they can position their asses in a service providers face. The bleaching of the area begins. They then leave - fresh, new and bleached. Now they can pull their pants down anytime and anywhere and show everyone their bleached a-hole.

Really - is this something that you want your friend to show you? Is this something that you want to tell someone you had done? Like, my a-hole is so dirty I am going to have it bleached. Why don't you just use some soap and water and call it a day. Really - and then think about those people who apply for this position in the salon. What are their career goals anyway? When I grow up, I want to bleach people's a-hole's! I haven't personally heard that one but oh-well! I mean, did they fail at cutting hair or massage theraphy or everything else they tried and this is a last resort career option? I am curious I must say. What if the person that came in to your salon that day just had the flu and has had explosive diareaha for the past few days? Think about this. I am! You don't know what has been going on down there or going in or coming out.

I hope that this gives you something to think about or possibly if you are at a dead end job, a possible career change.